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  Humor stories > Funny stories : If real people ran the bank - I (a spoof for the heart)

If real people ran the bank - I (a spoof for the heart)

Funny stories Rating : 5.28, 7 votes. Reviews : 6 [add review]
Banish Loans Forever

If ordinary, hard-working, people ran the bank... the very first thing to get rid of would be loans. Absolutely no more loans!

Because once they’re gone, there wouldn’t be any more:

- Due dates

- Interest charges - at any rate of interest

- Late fees or penalties

- Liens

- Applications or rejections

- Credit reports [Old joke - If it weren’t for bad credit, I wouldn’t
have any credit at all]

- Playing catch-up month after month

And that means all the related emotional frustrations vanish as well. That would certainly make a lot of people happier. Don’t you think?

Instead of lending money, how about just giving it away? That should make everyone happier still.

Imagine a bank saying, "Help yourself - and never worry about paying it back." If it doesn’t matter whether money ever gets repaid - there goes accounting and bookkeeping. There goes financial records. There goes debt - along with bad debt. But that’s not a stretch for a bank that re-writes the rules. If you thought familiar bank policies were cast in stone, think again.

Up with Emotional Solvency - Down with Debt

A whimsical bank that just started on the Internet eliminates debt and loans. Won’t touch ’um. No way, for nobody. That’s because it rates a person’s emotional health higher than their financial wealth.

This quirky website places more value on emotional solvency than wealth accumulation. Huh? How’s that possible? It’s the logical (illogical, more like it) outcome of putting feelings first. And its other policies are equally unprecedented and unique.

The Joyful Banker is a parody of all things financial. It just wants to make you happy - and it wants to keep money worries at bay (even if only for a little while). It exists solely to amuse and delight. To make people feel both generous and rich - with access to unlimited money (admittedly funny munny). This site delivers a high level of frivel (wordplay), giggle, and absurdity in the process.

People are More Valuable than Money... Really

Joyful Banker’s avowed purpose is to deliver joy and up-beat energy to all comers. But it can’t pull it off without putting money in its rightful place - which isn’t first place. Or even second. This is the only bank on the planet devoted to what’s really valuable - relationships, generosity, kindness and joy.

Joyful Banker is the Mother Lode of Binkle Lore and Wisdom

A binkle is the energy that’s created when people really connect with each other, with nature, or anything that inspires. It’s the zizz of energy one feels. Although the word is new that feeling is not. It’s been part of every profound or happy experience you can remember. That sensation is always called something else: love, awe, the thrill, peace, inspiration, etc. But the energy of that moment is binkle energy.

This joyous website is devoted to increasing binkle energy in any way possible It’s not hard to find binkles showing up anywhere - if you’re looking for them. Can’t have too many. But if you run low, just come beck to fetch some more.

Probably should warn you - it’s addictive. The zizz of binkle energy keeps you constantly alert for how to get more. And if you can’t find any... that’s a downer. But a moment of caring and sharing is sure to get them flowing.

The Binkle Standard Simplifies Your Life

1. Spend MORE of your time and attention with people (or activities) that give binkles

2. Spend LESS time and attention on people (or activities) that drain binkle energy

3. Pass it around! Leave a trail of binkles wherever you go

That’s it! But the rewards you feel cannot be exaggerated. Playing "spot the binkle" sure beats a Do List when it comes to banishing stress. Not to mention, it attracts some pretty nice people.

There are still a few bugs being worked out. The funny munny is just for fun. Not to knock fun, but you can’t use joy bucks to pay the phone bill.

Come to the Joyful Banker for Binkles and Joy

Anyone who comes to the website has an account (their email address), so can partake in the Unlimited Withdrawals or Open Vault policies. This is one financial institution that won’t leave you empty handed. Or empty hearted, either.

©2005, Lynella Grant

This is Part 1 of a 5-part series.

Read the rest

--Lynella Grant The Joyful Banker, a parody of all things financial The funnest, most joyous fool service non-bank in the world. With unlimited withdrawals. Off the Page Press (719) 395-9450


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