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  Humor stories > Funny stories : Marines dont take crap

Marines dont take crap

Funny stories Rating : 5.40, 40 votes. Reviews : 39 [add review]

We live in a world of widgets.  People manufacture, distribute, and sell them.  You name it, they’re doing it.  I have a friend who is a toilet paper salesman.  God bless him.  It’s an honorable job and my butt and I give him a two ply thumbs up thank you butt it’s not something I, personally, could ever do-do.   


I have a friend who told me once that the litmus test for taking a job is if you meet a girl and you’re embarrassed to tell Her what you do for a living then you probably shouldn’t be doing it. 


Let me tell you about a career choice I was never embarrassed to tell girls about, the Marines.  Make no mistake.  The Marines are a business.  We manufacture the world’s finest fighting force, and distribute them worldwide to sell Democracy.  If we have to, we’ll kick their you know what, provide toilet paper to wipe their butts, and not even take their names because we wouldn’t even know how to pronounce them.  


The enemy usually needs toilet paper when we get through with them because when they see the Marines land we usually scare the crap out of them.  What can I say?  War stinks!


There’s a lot of things Marines do that stink.  We don’t like it and complain that it’s not what we signed up to do.  


We joined the military to see the world but all we end up seeing is bad weather and bad attitudes.  So we say, “If I wanted to deal with this merde I’d have taken a summer vacation in hell or a winter vacation in France.  The Germans spanked them, we had to save their butts, and now they’re little ungrateful terds.   


I’d love to see a recruiter now.  “You’ll get to travel the world.”  Let’s see, where I could have gone in the last ten years, Somalia, Afghanistan, Bosnia, and Baghdad.  Wow, can you throw in a free trip to Liberia?   


It’s hard to tell a service member that the grass is never greener on the other side because the places are young men and women go usually don’t have grass but war has some positives.  For instance, it educates the American people.  If you asked most Americans what the capital of South Dakota was they’d say, “I don’t know.”  If you asked them the capital of Afghanistan they’d say, “That’s easy, Kabul.” 


They also learn geometry too, hello Sunni Triangle.  The only problem is in a few years they might make the mistake of trying to book a vacation to the Sunny Triangle because they heard it was, to use the parlance of our times, “The bomb.”


Marines actually have to go to these sewer holes.  They have to live there and survive and it is no joke to them or their families but they love it.  I used to get a kick out of Marines who said, “This is the hardest job in the world.  You never sleep and when you do it’s in the dirt; you get to go hiking, with a 100 pound rucksack on your back, and you get paid to visit areas of the world you’d never pay money to go on vacation to see, but it’s the greatest job in the world.  You’ll love it.”


Make no mistake, Marines love their jobs and as you probably know, are “The Few, The Proud.”  Marines are prouder then game roosters and meaner then cocks.  If the Marines made toilet paper it would be two ply steal plates in order to cover their butts when they use the head.


Being is a Marine is a dirty job but the best part of it is that we don’t take crap from anyone.  Every young man and woman should do a stint.  If you’re interested, go down to your local recruiter and put your signature on a piece of paper, preferably one ply. 


Michael P. Westhead is the founder of which features original quotes, jokes, cartoons, products, and articles focusing on politics, current events and life in general.


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