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  Humor stories > Funny stories : Military wives

Military wives

Funny stories Rating : 4.60, 38 votes. Reviews : 45 [add review]

I feel now is the perfect time to address the conflict service-members face when balancing between what they feel are infringements upon their civil liberties cast down by their president. 


I have never been one to get involved with inter-service rivalries because I have always felt we must remain, “We band of brothers” and support and defend our own constitutions against all enemies, either foreign wives or domestic.  (I am of course referring to wives in the singular sense.) 


So let us, as Abraham Lincoln said, “Cast aside our differences” and as the modern day philosopher Marshall Mathers raps, “Let’s get down to business.  I’ve got no time to play around what is this.” 


You may be the senior man at work, but your wife is the Commander in Chief of the House or (CINCHOUSE).  You say this because you believe in the immortal words of our 16th CINC, Abraham Lincoln when he said, “A house divided against itself is sure to fall.” 


You also know that it’s not always advisable to follow the advice of our 1st CINC because, “Honesty is (NOT) always the best policy.”  If you chop down a cherry tree, in order to preserve good order and discipline, you don’t tell the truth.  You blame it on the kids because if you don’t, she might draft a Declaration of Independence, throw you in the harbor, and declare a revolution.    


You realize you have “No convening legal authority.”  If something goes wrong at home or a bill needs to be paid, Harry Truman summed it up best when he said, “The buck stops here.”  The buck always stops with you. 


You need to “Walk softly and carry a big stick,” of money because if you don’t she’s not afraid to drop the bomb on you.  Two, if she has to and you’re liable to be put, not in the White House, but impeached to the dog house.  All the while proclaiming like Nixon that, “I am not a crook,” and “You won’t have me to kick around anymore.”


It’s at this stage you realize you serve at the discretion of the President and need to “Read Her lips” and “Ask not what she can do for you but what you can do for her.”


There’s no need to, “Tear down that wall.”  Do your best to fit into Her “Great Society” because you won’t be getting a “New Deal.”


You must sing, “Hail to the Chief” because in the immortal words of the great disco song, “She’s a CINC ………..HOUSE!”  


What military men need to realize is when you get married you pledge an oath to support and defend the constitution, but she will amend your constitution?  There will be no hearings, and there will be not one vote.  She has the bully pulpit and the mandate.  All you can do is cry to your buddies, "Man, this is an infringement upon my rites." 


There comes a time in every military man’s career, usually the first day of boot camp or marriage when you realize you must “Obey the orders of the president and all officers (Her mother) appointed over me.”        


Needless to say, as it pertains to the institution of marriage.  I have decided not to be a lifer.  Someday a recruiter might be able to sell me on a lifetime self-commitment to the CINCHOUSE, but for now I prefer to be a conscientious objector.

Michael P. Westhead is the founder of which features original quotes, jokes, cartoons, products, and articles focusing on politics, current events and life in general.


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Rating : 4.60, 38 votes. Reviews : 45 [add review]

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