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  Humor stories > Funny stories : The food pyramid

The food pyramid

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Just a few calories ago, the government revised the food pyramid. You can see it at
It has a snazzy new logo with a stick figure dashing up the Steps To a Healthier You on the side of the pyramid. It’s supposed to be in better tune with our complicated modern life, the latest Scientific Thought, and reflect a customized pyramid which better fits our lifestyle, not that there’s anything wrong with that. They have an animation, a mini-poster for the art-impaired, and, “a wealth of ideas to help you get started to a healthier diet.”

In better tune – with modern life? Then why a pyramid? Isn’t that Egypto-elitist? Doesn’t that perhaps reflect a suspect cash infusion from the travel industry? How many people will EVER run up a pyramid? And if they do, why aren’t they carrying a six pack of bottled water? “Water, the Almost Food.” Because the water lobby is weak, that’s why.

See, that’s what’s wrong with government – no big thinkers. All around us we see sellouts and commercialization: Product placement; Endorsements; Co-promotions; Synergism! But does the government see this? Noooo. Instead of cribbing money from this or that entitlement program, why not some good old entrepreneurship in our leadership! What do you think McDonalds would pay to have that stickfigure run up the GOLDEN ARCHES?

But I wonder if the Department of Food thought this through? There could be a stickfigure of a mom in a stick minivan (note: sell van logo) or a guy carrying a laptop (note: sell computer logo) racing to catch a train (note: place Amtrak logo), while talking on his cellphone (note: sell cellphone logo). Boggles the mind, doesn’t it? THINK of the monetization possibilities which could all go to reducing the budget deficit!

And while we are free-thinking here, why not go wild and sell advertising space on the one, five and ten dollar bill? Some court is going to strike down In God We Trust anyway. Consider: “Reach Out and Touch Someone – AT&T.” Wouldn’t they pay a billion for umpteen gazillion impressions? And here’s the best part – those bills have a limited lifetime. The treasury is ALWAYS taking old worn out ones out of the supply and printing new ones. How many OTHER advertisers would wait in LINE? What do you think Target would pay to replace that odd eye and triangle with the Target logo bullseye? And why show an old building on the rear of the $10? Why not show the latest Las Vegas resort? Keep the Eagle. What do you think PETSMART would pay for a little banner?

But back to the Food Pyramid. Why not monetize “calories”? What would McDonalds pay to change the word to “McNutrients?”

Of course, we’d need an Office of Promotional Tie-In. I think $500,000,000 would get it kick started. Hey, why do we need zeros? They could just as well be tiny Target logos.

Bob Wood hosts two blogs: about everyday life focused by a wry sense of humor. Humor, pathos, name dropping. And - dedicated to home theater news and developments. Bob has been a radio personality and program director of various highly successful radio stations in the US and Canada, and has settled in Austin, Texas.
Bob also is host and editor of 

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