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  Humor stories > Funny stories : Ufo: I practice levitation

Ufo: I practice levitation

Funny stories Rating : 2.00, 1 votes. Reviews : 0 [add review]
A couple of weeks ago I was watching Washington play the Eagles. It was near the end of the game and I saw that Washington could win by scoring two late-game touchdowns. In fact, I knew they would win! Then last night I watched Dallas play the Eagles. Again, Dallas could score two late-game touchdowns and win the game. In fact again, I knew they would!

As I was watching TV last night, I needed the small notebook from my desk so that I could record my grandiose ideas for new ezine articles. The notebook was about five feet away and I didn’t want to disturb the candy bowl on my lap. My wife said, “Use levitation!”

I said, “Use Levitation! Brilliant!”

I placed my hands in levitation position, but as far as I could see, the notebook did not move. I told my wife, “I’ll have to practice.”

“Yes,” she said. “You need to practice your levitation. Now get off your rump roast and get your notebook before you forget your grandiose ideas.”

This morning I had my first practice session. I decided to start with lighter objects than the notebook. I started with a piece of paper that was here on my desk where I’m writing. From my sleep chair, I was able to raise it into the air and bring it to my lap!”


That is what I said. I went right for my calculator and moved that to my lap too! At that point, I decided not to run into my wife’s craft room and yell, “I can levitate!” I wanted to make sure it was not just a fluke.

I used all of my powers to raise my new Radio Shack 2.4 GHz cordless telephone.

Nothing happened.

I tried again and it took off out of its cradle but fell to the floor before it reach safe haven on my lap.

I tried again. It would not move from the floor. I picked it up and put it into its cradle.

I decided that I had just tired myself out with all the levitation activity.

I rested a few minutes and VIOLA! I was able to raise the telephone from the cradle on my desk and move it to my lap five feet away!

I jumped up and headed strait (like in the Bible) to my wife’s den of craftery.

I got stopped in the hallway. It was Xrytspet!

I said, “Scram, Xrytspet! I’ve got to tell my wife—“

She laughed and rolled around on the carpet. Her sides were busting!

I said, “Darn you, Xrytspet! Quit messing with my levitation experiments! Go back to—”

But she was gone.

The End

copyright©John T. Jones, Ph.D. 2005

John T. Jones, Ph.D. ( a retired R&D engineer and VP of a Fortune 500 company. He is author of detective & western novels, nonfiction (business, scientific, engineering), poetry, etc. Former editor of international trade magazine. Jones is Executive Representative of International Wealth Success. More info: Business web site: (IWS wealth-success books and kits and business newsletters / TopFlight flagpoles)


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