aFunnyStuff.com archive
Jokes Humor stories Pictures Videos Funny News Games

Home  |  Bookmark us  |  Submit / Upload  |   |  Random stuff  |  RSS feed  |  Funny sites(add)  |  About  |  Terms  |  Privacy  |  Contact us
Funny stuff
» Funny pictures
Funny pics gallery
Forum pics 130
Funny pics mix 6
Funny pictures 2714
Optical illusions 37
» Funny videos
Funny clips gallery
Banned videos 53
Extreme videos 203
Funny animals 101
Funny cartoons 85
Funny cats 74
Funny dogs 85
Funny videos 8996
Home made videos 33
Music videos 69
Parodies 28
Pranks 156
Sexy videos 89
Sport videos 175
Stupid videos 160
Wierd videos 6
» Funny news
Funny news 31635
News funnies 23
» Free Games
Games gallery
Action games 844
Cartoons 62
Casino games 39
Classic arcade 254
Fighting games 81
Free games 1799
Logic games 170
Photo puzzles 593
Racing games 201
RPG games 45
Shooting games 452
Sport games 333
Strategy games 196
» Funny jokes
Adult jokes 1626
Animal jokes 289
Bar jokes 620
Blonde jokes 1361
Bumper stickers 40
Computer jokes 430
Dirty jokes 239
Ethnic jokes 319
Funny Facts 1490
Gay jokes 117
Gender jokes 69
Holiday jokes 168
Humor jokes 819
Insults 4294
Insults jokes 114
Jokers 160
Lawyer jokes 530
Medical jokes 297
One liners 704
Police jokes 6
Politics jokes 304
Redneck jokes 473
Religious jokes 625
Work jokes 75
Yo mama jokes 127
» Humor stories
Funny poems 15
Funny stories 343
Humor Stories
» Sounds
Funny audio 338
Sound boards 80
Funny sitesFunny sites
Uber Humor


  Jokes > Adult jokes : How many calories do we burn during sex

How many calories do we burn during sex


Adult jokes Rating : 1.00, 1 votes. Reviews : 0 [add review]

The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable.
Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual.
EXAMPLES:
1 hr. Intensive foreplay Burns Off:
1 slice (large) chocolate cake.
25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off:
2 slices of pizza with cheese & mushrooms.
53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off:
1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries.
53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings.
PREPARING THE BEDROOM
Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned)
ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS
Hiding the sex manual: 3
Decanting the wine: 4
Without a corkscrew: 268
MAKING THE FIRST MOVE
If you are shy: 15
If you are anxious: 43
If you beg: 100
SEDUCING THE PARTNER
If you are rich (cash): 5
If you are rich (credit card): 15
If you are poor: 200
INITIAL BODY CONTACT
Fumbling: 4
Casually rummaging around: 7
Seriously rummaging around: 42
REMOVING CLOTHES
With partner`s consent: 12
Without partner`s consent: 187
Removing socks by violently shaking feet: 418
AROUSAL AND STIMULATION
Blowing in partner`s ear: 15
Blowing in your own ear: 2,512
DISAPPOINTMENT (after seeing partner undressed
Partner looks better with clothes on: 10
Partner wears corrective underwear: 15
Partner turns out to be of wrong sex: 100
You don`t mind: 0.25
Partner wearing elevated socks: 50
DOING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME
Fumbling around: 4
Desperately trying to put something somewhere: 18
Completely missing: 126
POSITIONS
Italian (man on top; woman on bottom): 26
German (facing each other, but in different beds): 48
English (woman on top; man hiding): 15
American (both on top): 1,243
AFFLICTIONS
Leg cramp: 36
Making believe you don`t have a leg cramp: 612
Sneezing (during intercourse): 7
Sneezing (during orgasm): 588
ASSORTED ACCIDENTS
Toupee slips off (if your partner knew you wore one): 5
Toupee slips off (if partner didn`t know): 72
Extinguishing cigarette (in ashtray): 1
Extinguishing cigarette (in mattress): 17
Extinguishing cigarette (in partner`s leg): 133
Calling your partner the wrong name: 50
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE
Shoes flew off: 15
Expression didn`t change: 0.5
Room turned purple: 4
Face turned purple: 78
Earth moved: 30
If Earth actually moved: 1,234,588
Moaning in Turkish: 506
THINGS OFTEN SAID AFTER SEX
"I am so grateful": 15
"It must have been something we ate": 15
"Was it good for you?": 15
"Are you finished?": 15
TRYING AGAIN
If woman is ready: 5
If man is not: 563
ROLLING OVER AND GOING TO SLEEP
After sex: 18
During sex: 546
While parking car: 212
SLEEP
Real: 5
Faked (a good way to avoid sex-craved partner): 74
TAKING A BATH TOGETHER
In a bath: 5
In a sink: 150
In a jacuzzi: 15,269
MAKING THE BED
With partner still in it: 44 (indicates either a neatness obsession, a severe optic disorder, or a partner who is very tired).
With you still in it: 97 (suggests extreme withdrawal and profound dissatisfaction)
KEEPING A JOURNAL
Maintaining your own record of sexual activity will be helpful for keeping track of weight loss. You needn`t go into detail, just list the activity and the number of calories burned.
A typical entry in a woman`s journal (for example) for a pleasant low-key sexual experience might read as follows:
December 1st: Sex with Harold
Explaining how: 12
Suggesting something different: 3
Calming terrified Harold: 40
Encouraging him to at least take off his socks: 8
Foreplay (a little of this; a little of that): 56
Intercourse (standing position): 22
Intercourse (holding Harold up): 10
Intercourse (urging him on): 5
Orgasm: not sure
Thanking Harold: 3
Waving bye-bye: 1
Total time: six minutes (taxi waiting)
Total calories burned: 160


Rate this joke (settings)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Rating : 1.00, 1 votes. Reviews : 0 [add review]

Previous joke [ Adult jokes index ] Next joke
Previous joke [ jokes index ] Next joke

More : Popular jokes | Most reviewed jokes | Top Rated jokes
Reviews of that joke : Reviews : 0, Rating : 1.00, 1 votes.


Post your review!

Name  :
Email   :
Rate    :
Text    : URLs cannot be posted here
           
Cool sites



Random jokes
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness... Read this joke...
Yo momma like a bowling ball: You can fit three fingers in... Read this joke...

Random joke
Yo momma`s so stupid I said let`s go to the superbowl and she ran and got a spoon... Read this joke...
Yo momma like a 7-11... Read this joke...


Friend Finder



Random Funny stuff

how do you know you're at a gay barbeque? The hot dogs taste like shit!... Read this joke...

Random pics
Funny pictures : dirtydriving.JPG

aFunnyStuff.com archive
Use parental controls to protect your kids : Wikipedia | Battle.