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Question and answer clinton jokes
Politics jokes
Rating : 4.56, 22 votes.
Reviews : 0 [add review]
Q: How do you break a Bill Clinton supporter`s finger? A: Punch him in the nose. Q: What does Jeffrey Dahmer`s victims and The Clintons` hair styles have in common? A: They both look like the work of a butcher. Q: If The Clinton`s were younger, do you think they would have known the Clampents? A: Possibly, Bill might have made Jethro`s acquaintance in the 6th grade. Q: Why doesn`t Hillary cut Bill`s hair? A: He won`t pay her $300. Q: What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton? A: His face. Q: What is the Arkansas state flower? A: Gennifer. Q: Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours? A: Put Janet Reno in charge. Q: What`s the difference between a Bill Clinton and a carp? A: One`s a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other`s a fish. Q: What`s the difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull? A: The pit bull doesn`t carry a briefcase. Q: How does Bill Clinton say "I`m about to hurt you"? A: "Trust me." Q: What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda? A: Jane Fonda went to Vietnam. Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton apart from a cow? A: By the wise look in the eyes. Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch of dead bodies? A: He`s the stiff one. Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two--One to promise he`ll do it better than anyone else and one to obscure the issues. Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None--He`ll only promise "change." Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb? A: He doesn`t! He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames Republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free. Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Because they`re sending their turkey to the White House! Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Because they can`t afford any more pork. Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Reagan ate all the jellybeans. Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: They`ve been having turkey for years. Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Because Clinton "invested" all the turkey. Q: What were Bill and Chelsea Clinton doing in the voting booth? A: Bill was giving His daughter a lesson in Civics, how to ruin the people! Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he did? A: A dead girlfriend. Q: What`s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress? A: No fee--If No Recovery! Q: How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet? A: They were dating the same girl in high school. Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying? A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one. Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is telling a lie by looking at His face? A: If His lips are moving, then he`s lying. Q: What do Bill Clinton and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common? A: Neither one is very bright. Q: What does Clinton do to lose weight? A: Runs away from the draft. Q: How can you tell when Clinton is ready for battle [in Bosnia]? A: He`s got His jogging suit on. Q: What`s Clinton`s favorite baseball team? A: The Dodgers. Q: What`s Bill`s fondest wish now? A: That someone would wave a hand at him using more than one finger. Q: What`s a Clinton sandwich? A: Pure bologna piled high and deep. Q: Why do they always fly around a live turkey in a cage on Air Force 1? A: For spare parts. Q: Did you hear that the Clinton`s had Air Force 1 remodeled? A: Now it`s got two left wings. Q: Why is Bill Clinton called "middle of the road Democrat"? A: Because he`s got a wide yellow stripe down the middle of His two-lane back. Q: Why is Bill Clinton`s economic plan called positively atheist? A: Because it hasn`t got a prayer. Q: If Bill and Hillary jumped together off the Washington monument, who`d land first? A: Who cares! Q: How did Bill Clinton get a crick in His neck? A: Trying to save both faces. Q: If Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper took a boat ride and the boat capsized, who would be saved? A: The United States of America! Q: Why is Bill Clinton diverting federal funds from improving schools to improving jails? A: Because when His term is through, he won`t be going to school. Q: Why does Chelsea look so stupid and ugly? A: Heredity. Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school? A: If they sent her to a public school, the secret service would be out-gunned! Q: What do Clinton and JFK have in common? A: They haven`t had any brains for the last thirty years. Q: What happened when Bill Clinton got a shot of testosterone? A: He turned into Hillary! Q: Did you hear Chrysler is introducing a new car to commemorate President Clinton`s election? A: It`s gonna be called the Dodge Drafter! Q: Why does the secret service guard Hillary so closely? A: Because if something happens to her, Bill becomes President! Q: How many Clinton administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two--one to screw the bulb into the water faucet while the other tells us that everything possible is being done to help the situation. Q: How many republicans does it take to raise your taxes? A: None. The democrats do that. Q: How many republicans does it take to disarm the law abiding public so that the government can enforce totalitarianistic and unconstitutional laws? A: None. The Sociali--Democrats do that. Q: How many Clinton White House officials does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. They like to keep him in the dark! Q: Why do liberals travel in threes? A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals. Q: What kind of neckwear does Hillary Clinton look best in? A: A noose. Q: What kind of jewelry does Hillary look best in? A: Handcuffs. Q: What Biblical and Renaissance characters does Hillary most resemble? A: Jezebel and Lucretia Borgia. Q: What`s the best place to photograph Clinton Administration officials? A: A police lineup. Q: What`s a conservative? A: A liberal who made it through adolescence. Q: What is a conservative? A: A liberal who`s been mugged. Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? A: Chelsea. Q: You know what the problem with political jokes is, don`t you? A: They get elected. Q: What famouse Arkansas State Supreme Court decision is Hilary Clinton famous for? A: If you divorce your wife in Arkansas, is she still your cousin? Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton a miracle child? A: Because lawyers use their personalities for birth control. Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road? A: To tax the chicken. Q: Why can`t Bill Clinton file a defamation of character suit against His critics? A: Because Bill Clinton has no character to defame. Q: If called to testify in a trial how long will it before before Clinton commits perjury? A: When he`s sworn in. Q: How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf? A: Depends on how many were photographed. Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road? A: To meet the chick. Q: How are Boris Becker and President Clinton alike? A: Both aren`t as successful when they`re not on grass. Q: Did you hear they put two new faces on Mt. Rushmore? A: Yeah, they were Bill Clinton. Q: Did you know that Clinton`s cat can play Chess? A: Inside Information: The cat isn`t really all that good at Chess. The last time they played best of five, Clinton won three games to two. Q: Who would become President of the U.S.A if the President died? A: Bill Clinton of course! Q: How does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?A: He doesn`t. He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.Q: What do the Republicans have that Bill Clinton wishes he had? A: A mandate to govern. Q: How can you tell that the guy who attacked the White house with a plane was insane?A: He seems to have thought Clinton would be in His own bedroom at night.Q: What did Hillary tell Bill when the Paula Jones story broke? A: "You idiot! I told you to let Teddy Kennedy drive her home! Q: What did Boris Yelstin say when asked if meeting Clinton made want to convert Russia to the type of government they have in America? A: "Never! I`m not going to let my wife run the country!" Q: Why doesn`t Bill like old houses? A: He`s afraid of the draft. Q: What`s the differents between Bill Clinton and an elephant? A: About 20 pounds and a jogging suit. Q: What`s the difference between Bill Clinton and David Koresh? A: Koresh only burned 85 people. Q: What`s the difference between Bill Clinton and David Koresh? A: Some people still believe in David Koresh. Q: What`s the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin? A: Some of Stalin`s subjects admired him. Q: How many Hillary Clintons does it take to change a light bulb? A: One--she just holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. Q: What`s the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver? A: The bus driver stops to let the kids out. Q: How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House? A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride. Q: When will there be a woman in the White House? A: When Hillary leaves town. Q: What`s the difference between Bill Clinton and a container of yogurt? A: Yogurt has culture. Q: What is the best thing that ever came out of Arkansas? A: Highway 55. Q: Why does Clinton always have a stupid grin on His face? A: He is stupid! Q: Why is Clinton prone to losing His voice? A: He keeps having to eat His words. Q: How do you know when a liberal is really dead? A: His heart stops bleeding. Q: How does Al Gore spell potato? A: T-A-T-E-R. Q: Why is Chelsea growing up a confused child? A: Because dad can`t keep His pants on and mom wants to wear them. Q: Why were there two presidential limousines in the inaugural parade? A: The first one held the real president while the second one contained the president`s spouse, Bill Clinton. Q: How has Clinton made His cabinet look more like America? A: Many of them have sixth grade reading levels. Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter? A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break His promises. Q: How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents? A: He`s the stiff one. Q: What were the three toughest years in Al Gore`s life? A: Grade six. Q: If Rodham gets health care, Bentsen gets treasury, and Aspin gets defense, what does Gore get? A: Coffee. Q: What will Bill`s favorite retail outlet be after His economic blueprint takes effect? A: Everything`s $100. Q: What was the real purpose of Bill`s college visit to Moscow? A: To study economics. Q: What is Clinton`s plan to create thousands of small businesses? A: Take thousands of big businesses and wait four years. Q: Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea`s new private school? A: They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform. Q: What`s the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter? A: It took Bill less than 100 days to botch a military mission. Q: Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier? A: To promote off-shore drilling. Q: Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site for His summit with Yeltsin? A: So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the war. Q: What does Clinton have in common with His Hollywood pals? A: They all make a living by lying to people. Q: Why did the Davidians commit suicide? A: They were trying to keep up with the Joneses. Q: Why are there more jokes about Waco than Jonestown? A: The punch lines were too long in Jonestown. Q: What do a Wendy`s Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common? A: They were both cooked by a guy named "Dave". Q: What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President? A: A competent liberal President. Q: What is the first thing that President Clinton says after waking up? A: "Good morning, Bill." Q: What has Clinton done that no one has been able to do in the last 5 years? A: Unite the Republican Party. Q: Why did Clinton waffle on military action in Bosnia? A: His area of expertise is dodging armed conflict. Q: How many Democrats does it take to destroy a light bulb? A: None. They only know how to destroy the taxpayers. Q: When did Clinton`s friends become sure that he had political ambitions? A: When he married outside of His family. Q: What does Bill Clinton have in common with former great Presidents? A: Absolutely nothing. Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Elvis? A: Elvis was drafted and served proudly in the Army. Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton? A: Because he filed as head of the household. Q: How is Clinton`s health care reform a lot like His haircut? A: It is a lot more expensive than it looks. Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy? A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up. Q: Why were the Clintonites pushing the BTU Tax? A: Because they could spell it. Q: What is the basement where White House staffers work called? A: The whine cellar. Q: Why aren`t Clinton White House staffers given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them. Q: How can you identify a computer that has been in use at the Clinton White House? A: There is White-out on the screen. Q: How can you tell if it was a shared computer used by many staffers? A: There is writing on the White-out. Q: What is the difference between an intelligent liberal and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted. Q: How is Bill Clinton like a passive-restraint device? A: He is a bag of air that is not on the driver`s side. Q: How is Bill like a character actor? A: When he shows character, he`s acting. Q: What is Hillary`s favorite holiday? A: Summer Solstice. Q: What do you get when you give Bill Clinton a penny for His thoughts? A: Change. Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton with a gorilla? A: Who knows? There is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do. Q: What is Clinton`s favorite war song? A: "Over Here" Q: What costume did Bill Clinton wear to a Halloween party that scared everyone to death? A: He came dressed as a two-term president. Q: Why is Perot`s wife glad he didn`t get elected? A: If he won, they would have to move to a smaller house in a bad neighborhood. Q: What is the difference between liberalism and socialism? A: Socialism is dead. Q: What is the difference between Clinton`s health care plan and a kidney stone? A: A kidney stone is easier to pass. Q: What is the difference between Hitler and Bill Clinton? A: Hitler intended to deliver on His speeches. Q: What is the difference between the U.S. and the former USSR? A: The U.S. still has a Communist Party in power. Q: What does Clinton need to stop the white water? A: A water gate. Q: Why are they renaming Arkansas Highway 50 the "Bill Clinton Highway?" A: The road is crooked, slick, and has a yellow stripe down the middle. Q: What do Hillary Clinton and the Dallas Cowboys have in common? A: They both dominate Bills. Q: What is the difference between TV characters Dan and Roseanne Conner and the Clintons? A: The Conners own their own home. Q: What is the difference between Whitewater and Watergate? A: No one died in Watergate. Q: What is Hillary`s new nickname after her latest hairstyle? A: Oldielocks. Q: What are the administration`s favorite words in foreign policy? A: We have not ruled out military force. Q: What would one get with a donation to Rostenkowski`s legal fund? A: A free stamp. Q: Why are staff cuts so difficult for Clinton? A: He can`t give a woman a pink slip without asking her to try it on first. Q: Which of the following does not belong: AIDS, gonorrhea, herpes, or Bill Clinton? A: Gonorrhea--it can be cured. Q: Why was Roger Clinton`s wedding delayed 5 days? A: The bride`s father had to wait 5 days to buy the shotgun. Q: How are Congressmen and baseball players alike? A: They are millionaires who work 3 hours a day and left in August not finishing what they had started. Q: Why did the chicken cross the Atlantic? A: To attend D-Day celebrations. Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and James Dean? A: A man without a clue. Q: How did we know long before the Haiti invasion that Clinton was planning to go to war? A: He visited Oxford. Q: How is Bill Clinton like an unemployed school teacher? A: No class and no principals. Q: What`s the difference between Bill Clinton and a pickpocket? A: A pickpocket snatches watches. Q: What does Hillary have in common with the city of Buffalo? A: They both have Bills that are losers. Q: Why does the Clinton administration want to reinvent government? A: They are having a lot of trouble dealing with the existing form...democracy. Q: Who should Clinton have used to overthrow Haiti`s military? A: John Elway. Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East? A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar. Q: Why does Hillary think her husband is a model president? A: Because a model is a small imitation of the real thing. Q: What does Hillary Clinton have in common with Gerald Ford? A: They both became president without being elected. Q: What`s the difference between the Waco ATF and Bill Clinton? A: BIll Clinton burned 260,000,000 people. Q: What do call someone who sees the glass in front of him half full? A: An optimist. Q: Well, then what do you call someone who sees the glass in front of him as half empty? A: Teddy Kennedy. Q: What did Teddy Kennedy say when he heard of JFK`s assassination? A: He couldn`t have been shot in the temple! We`re not Jewish! Q: Why did Ted Kennedy spend four hours in the voting booth? A: He thought he was in a confessional. Q: Why did the Clintons switch from MCI to AT&T? A: They didn`t have enough friends left to make a calling circle. Q: What`s the difference between President Hoover and Clinton? A: One promised a chicken in every pot and the other was an unpromising chicken who smoked pot. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from Bill Clinton. Q: What`s the difference between Clinton and Christopher Reeve? A: Clinton is dead from the neck up. Q: Where are the two biggest airbags located? A: The White House. Q: Who was the first liberal Democrat? A: Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left not knowing where he`d been, and did it all on borrowed money. Q: Did you hear that someone threw a bottle of beer at Clinton? A: Yes, but it`s ok. It was a Draft and he was able to dodge it. Q: What`s Bill Clinton`s least expensive hobby? A: To sit in the Oval Office and collect dust. Q: Did you hear that Tyson Foods has genetically engineered a new breed of chicken and named it in honor of Bill Clinton? A: It`s a brainless, spineless, tar-and-feathers yellow chicken. Q: Why is Bill Clinton the living proof of reincarnation? A: Because no one could get this stupid in one lifetime. Q: Do you know why Clinton gave the Federal employees the day off on Wednesday? A: It was Secretaries` Day and he was too cheap to buy His a present! Q: What`s a word for Clintons `92 campaign A: A snow job. Q: What will you get if Clinton`s health bill passes? A: No Job. Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb? A: It`s irrelevant; they still don`t know they`re in the dark! Q: What`s the best job a dumb blonde ever had? A: Vice-president of the United States. Q: Have you heard about the new Bill Clinton doll? A: You pull a little ring and it never tells the same story twice! Q: What do Hillary Clinton and Marie Antoinette have in common? A: Nothing. .. yet. Q: Why does Hillary Clinton often wear turtle necks when attending Bill`s speaking engagements? A: So you can`t see her adam`s apple move as he speaks. Q: What`s Clinton doing to make Americans happy? A: If you`ve paid your tax bill and have enough money left to feed your family--you`re happy.
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