|
|
|
Football dictionary
Religious jokes
Rating : 3.90, 35 votes.
Reviews : 0 [add review]
In a never-ending effort to attract the unchurched, some churches have considered translating their unfamiliar terminology into familiar football phrases:
BLITZ: The strategic play that takes place two seconds after every benediction.
BLOCKING: Talking endlessly to the pastor at the church door and keeping everyone else from exiting.
COACH: The children`s Christmas program director.
ASSISTANT COACH: Every mother who has a kid in the children`s Christmas program.
COMMERCIAL: Announcements.
DRAFT CHOICE: The decision to sit close to an air conditioning vent.
DRAW PLAY: What many children (and not a few adults) do with their bulletins during the service.
END ZONE: The pews.
EXTRA POINT: What you receive when you tell the preacher his sermon was too short.
FIRST QUARTER: What most people put into the Sunday school offering so it looks like they are giving.
FOURTH QUARTER: The amount that makes up the $1 most people put into the Sunday school offering when under peer pressure to give more.
HAIL MARY: Desperate move made by ushers in a last-ditch attempt to get people to put something in the plate.
HALFTIME: Usually during the offertory when at least 14 people decide they need to use the restroom.
HOLDING: Passing on the offering place without putting in a cent.
ILLEGAL CONTACT: What gets some church leaders into trouble and out of the ministry.
ILLEGAL MOTION: Leaving before the benediction.
INTERFERENCE: Talking during the organ prelude.
OFFSIDES: When an orchestra member accidentally walks into the choir room (severe penalty incurred).
PASS INTERFERENCE: 1. Single male usher spots single woman in audience.
2. A parent moving between two teens in the
pew to halt the flow of notes back and forth during the sermon.
QUARTERBACK SNEAK: 1. How the pastor gets from the pulpit to the rear door during the benediction.
2. Sunday school teachers entering the building five minutes after classes began.
RAIN DELAY: Baptism
RED DOG: Common strategy performed each Sunday by those who "own" their own pew.
SUDDEN DEATH: The penalty to the pastor who preaches more than twenty minutes.
TACKLE: 1. What takes place to the only eligible bachelor at the 35-and-over singles enrichment retreat.
2. Asking that "new couple" to sing in the choir, work in the nursery, serve on a committee, join a Bible study, and teach the middle schoolers before they get away.
PASS: When the new couple says no.
TIME-OUT: Refreshment time in the Fellowship Hall.
TWO-MINUTE WARNING: The pastor`s wife looking at her watch in full view of the pastor.
UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT: Usually takes place at a committee meeting to decide on the color of carpet or some other thing.
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Calamjo
Rating : 3.90, 35 votes.
Reviews : 0 [add review]
Previous joke
[ Religious jokes index ]
Next joke
Previous joke
[ jokes index ]
Next joke
More :
Popular jokes |
Most reviewed jokes |
Top Rated jokes
Reviews of that joke :
Reviews : 0, Rating : 3.90, 35 votes.
Post your review!
| |
|
|
|
Random jokes |
When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound... Read this joke...
Mr. Briggs spent the night in his secretary?s apartment. He woke up at three in the morning.&quo... Read this joke...
|
|
Random joke |
The Army announced this week they are now training mine-sniffing dogs to go to Iraq... Read this joke...
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde`s head?A Space Invader... Read this joke...
|
|
Random Funny stuff
Yo momma like the Pillsbury doughboy: Everyone gets a poke!... Read this joke...
Random pics
Category : Funny pictures
|
|
Funny stuff