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Football dictionary
Religious jokes
Rating : 3.88, 45 votes.
Reviews : 0 [add review]
In a never-ending effort to attract the unchurched, some churches have considered translating their unfamiliar terminology into familiar football phrases: BLITZ: The strategic play that takes place two seconds after every benediction. BLOCKING: Talking endlessly to the pastor at the church door and keeping everyone else from exiting. COACH: The children`s Christmas program director. ASSISTANT COACH: Every mother who has a kid in the children`s Christmas program. COMMERCIAL: Announcements. DRAFT CHOICE: The decision to sit close to an air conditioning vent. DRAW PLAY: What many children (and not a few adults) do with their bulletins during the service. END ZONE: The pews. EXTRA POINT: What you receive when you tell the preacher his sermon was too short. FIRST QUARTER: What most people put into the Sunday school offering so it looks like they are giving. FOURTH QUARTER: The amount that makes up the $1 most people put into the Sunday school offering when under peer pressure to give more. HAIL MARY: Desperate move made by ushers in a last-ditch attempt to get people to put something in the plate. HALFTIME: Usually during the offertory when at least 14 people decide they need to use the restroom. HOLDING: Passing on the offering place without putting in a cent. ILLEGAL CONTACT: What gets some church leaders into trouble and out of the ministry. ILLEGAL MOTION: Leaving before the benediction. INTERFERENCE: Talking during the organ prelude. OFFSIDES: When an orchestra member accidentally walks into the choir room (severe penalty incurred). PASS INTERFERENCE: 1. Single male usher spots single woman in audience. 2. A parent moving between two teens in the pew to halt the flow of notes back and forth during the sermon. QUARTERBACK SNEAK: 1. How the pastor gets from the pulpit to the rear door during the benediction. 2. Sunday school teachers entering the building five minutes after classes began. RAIN DELAY: Baptism RED DOG: Common strategy performed each Sunday by those who "own" their own pew. SUDDEN DEATH: The penalty to the pastor who preaches more than twenty minutes. TACKLE: 1. What takes place to the only eligible bachelor at the 35-and-over singles enrichment retreat. 2. Asking that "new couple" to sing in the choir, work in the nursery, serve on a committee, join a Bible study, and teach the middle schoolers before they get away. PASS: When the new couple says no. TIME-OUT: Refreshment time in the Fellowship Hall. TWO-MINUTE WARNING: The pastor`s wife looking at her watch in full view of the pastor. UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT: Usually takes place at a committee meeting to decide on the color of carpet or some other thing. Submitted by Admin Edited by Calamjo
Rating : 3.88, 45 votes.
Reviews : 0 [add review]
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