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  Humor stories > Funny stories : And The Frenchman

And The Frenchman


Funny stories Rating : 5.50, 2 votes. Reviews : 0 [add review]
And the Frenchman. He gonna go kill the Italiono man. And the Italiono man, he want revenge, he want karma! So he gonna go leave a few cracked missiles in his yard. Now the Frenchman, he thought it was his dog, so he gonna go get a bat and beat him down. So the dog's gone, yeah, he gone. So the Italiono man, he gonna go take a dump. And the Frenchman, he's pointing his Barrett.50 Cal at the Italiono man's temple while he's taking a dump. And the Frenchman, he fires. He misses and it hits the stall just as the pope walks in to take a dump. The Italiono man goes what the !@$#! The bullet ricochets and skims the pope's hat and he says, "JESUS CHRISTS!" The bullet then hits the chandelier and just as the pope is getting up, the chandelier falls and crushes him.The Italiono man takes a massive fart and blows the Frenchman to Washington D.C. The Italiono man sets out to find and kill him. Now the Frenchman, he wanna get rich, so he gonna go gold mining in Alaska. The Italiono man finds him mining in a cave, and just when the Frenchman mines out a nugget of gold, the Italiono man chucks a Semtex at the Frenchman's gold nugget. The Frenchman escapes in time, but his gold nugget blew up and he screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!", and then fainted because of depression. Now the Italiono man, he kicked the Frenchman in the balls when he fainted, and took his pickaxe and started mining the gold. And the Frenchman, when he wakes up, he finds the Italiono man still there mining the gold, and by now he has a 10 foot stack of gold. But the Frenchman, he want more revenge, so he gets his rocket launcher, and fires at the Italiono man's gold stack. Now the rocket, it malfunctions and turns the other way, and skims the Frenchman's left pocket. Now the Frenchman's iPhone was in his pocket, and since the rocket skimmed it, it burned the iPhone into ashes. The Frenchman gives one final cry of despair, and faints again at the horrible loss of his beautiful iPhone. As the Frenchman felt his burnt iPhone, he decided to get a new one with his warranty. He kicks the Italiono man down the gold mine and goes to the nearest Apple store. Steve Jobs, the owner and CEO of Apple, happens to be there and the Frenchman shows his iPhone to him and askes for a new one. Steve Jobs takes one look and immediately calls 911. The cops come and accidentally kick Steve Jobs down the stairs and he brakes his ribcage. The cops call a medic and chase the Frenchman all the way to the capital of Alaska, Juneau. The Italiono man catches up to him and takes a cop's sniper from his car. The Italiono man fires, he tries to kill the Frenchman but instead shoots a cop. The cop farts just as the bullet hits his butt and he blows up himself and two other cops. There are only two cops left now and one tries to kill the Italiono man, and the other cop tries to kill the Frenchman. The Italiono man fires the sniper immediately and accidentally blows up GameStop. The cop said, ''NO! I WAS GOING TO GET XBOX LIVE! I SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE SAVINGS ON GAMESTOP'S GAMES! NOOOOO!''. The cop then jumps off the nearest cliff and kills himself. The Frenchman grabs the other cop's head and knees him super hard in the face. The Frenchman then tosses him in the burning ashes of GameStop and he dies too. Now it's just the Frenchman and the Italiono man, once again. Now the Frenchman runs into a bathroom stall in the nearby casino called Casino Royale, and pretends to take a dump. The Italiono man busts in the bathroom and pretends to wash his hands because he has a plan in mind. His plan is that he has a fellow assassin who is going to pop out of the wall and choke the Frenchman while he is pretending to take a massive crap. Now this hairy old man walks in and goes in the stall next to him and starts talking to the Frenchman. The old man says, ''Howdy, how's life?" Before the Frenchman can answer, the assassin flies out of the wall and tries to choke him. The Frenchman makes all these weird sounds like, "OOHH!" and "AHHH!" and "URGGGHH!" The old man says, ''Buddy its ok, don't try to force the poo." The Frenchman then grabs the assassin's head and sloshes it around in the toilet and it makes a wet, liquidy sound. The old man says,''It ain't soundin' too good, I would prefer getting constipation relief medicine. There's a Walgreens nearby if you want to go pick it up. The constipation relief medicine is on sale for only $2.99." The Frenchman smashes the assassin's head against the toilet and the assassin drowns in all the pee and crap. As the Frenchman walks out of the bathroom stall, the old man gets out of his stall and sees the assassin in the toilet. The old man says, ''DUDE! What the hell did you eat?" The Italiono man takes out a ballistic knife and shoots it at the Frenchman. It misses and ricochets out the door and they hear, ''What the !#@*! Where did all my casino chips go?" The Frenchman tackles the Italiono man and they both hit a stall and the door flies open. A man dressed in a tuxedo says, ''I NEED PRIVACY YOU IDIOTS! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M PLAYING DOODLE JUMP ON MY IPOD TOUCH?'' The Frenchman and the Italiono man both look at each other with blank expressions just as the man in the tuxedo walks out. The man in the tuxedo comes toward them and says, ''By the way, the name's Bond, James Bond." James Bond runs outside the casino and jumps in his Lamborghini. The Frenchman and the Italiono man take the fight outside the bathroom and start fighting in the parking lot. The manager calls the S.W.A.T, and the Italiono man and the Frenchman stare at each other with scared expressions. THE S.W.A.T. ARE COMING!!!!!!!!


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