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  Humor stories > Funny stories : Ten steps to establishing yourself as an expert: steps #1 & #2

Ten steps to establishing yourself as an expert: steps #1 & #2

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Here you are; an expert in search of how to be taken seriously as an expert.

No matter who you are, you wouldn’t be here if you actually were taken seriously as an expert in your field. Were you in that situation, you wouldn’t need to go to the internet to learn how.

And, obviously, had you actually taken the time to become the kind of expert that people listen to (let alone pay!), you wouldn’t be here either.

So now that we’re getting real, let’s put it into more direct terms: You’ve come here to find the shortcut.

Well, if the truth be known, there is no shortcut. It’s going to take ten steps.


Because Step Number One in establishing yourself as an expert in any field is that you must be able to coalesce everything you know about the field you’re in (or the field that you want to convince others that you are an expert in) into Ten Simple Steps.


People already think whatever they’re trying to do is too hard or they wouldn’t be looking for an expert to show them how simple it all is. After all, that’s why they’re called expert – they’ve got it figured out. The seeker can’t figure it out. Otherwise he or she wouldn’t be so lost.

They’re looking for the kind of guidance that comes from years of back-breaking work in figuring out all the angles because that’s a hell of a lot easier than investing years of their own lives figuring out the angles. So they turn to an expert

Look at yourself. You’ve got the knowledge and experience, but don’t have a clue. So you’ve come here for the simple answer. You are here because I’ve established myself as an expert by having Ten Simple Steps that help you to become an expert.

See how it works?

Chances are, you’re making things so damned difficult for yourself anyway nobody’d be turning to you for advice. Instead of figuring out a simple way to convince people you actually know what you’re talking about, you’re looking here for a shortcut.

And that’s why the Ten Simple Steps. An expert knows the shortcuts. Even if there aren’t any, he or she makes it sound like there are. Look at what I’m doing? There’s obviously no real easy way you can establish yourself as an expert, but convinced that I actually may have stumbled upon it, you’ll read this whole series.

And you’ll love it and learn important stuff because the one thing that Ten Simple Steps teaches you is that no matter how dismal the future seems, there’s somebody out there that can come up with a Ten Step path to make it seem better. If they can do that, so can you.

The very fact that I’ve distilled the process into Ten Simple Steps means, in your eyes, I’m the expert. That’s enough for you, why not most people?

So, please, don’t waste any more time here. Sit down and write up something that shows me I can know everything you know if I just follow the Ten Simple Steps that you’ve spent your whole life learning.


By offering a simple route to whatever ails the targets, you can deflect any questions they may have about your actual credentials. That alone is enough to get the person reading you and accepting your word without doing any major background checking.

So one of the things that are most important to establishing yourself as an expert is to get established first, and then build the body of work that supports it. Even though this is a gem of information, I will not list it as one of the Ten Steps. Consider it a bonus.

Your targets need to “Buy-in” to what you are offering. If you present them with the Ten Simple Steps, they gravitate towards your content before they really get curious about who you are, which, let’s face it, could considerably screw up your credibility.

But, even though it’s Number Two on the Ten Step list, a subliminal thing plays a very important role in getting the person to begin to accept you as the expert. From the very get-go, your target must not stumble on anything you provide in your first offering. You have to get them to read your first article on the Ten Simple Steps, and to do that, you must have a believable name that supports your expertise.

If the name of the author does not sound consistent with the content of the information offered, the reader will question the source. You have to make sure that the name ascribed to the piece makes sense and that no one will go looking for more information about you until after you’ve hooked them.


Let me ask you a question: When you read the title of this article, did you question my credentials?

Of course not, for not only did the article offer what you need -- cheap, simple advice, but it was written by a man who sounds like he knows what he’s talking about. Drew Kittinger must be an expert because, because…well, Kaplinger, Kissinger, even Derringer and Erlinger have these “tones” that reek of some sort of knowingness.

Is that my name? What do you think? If I were to put my real name on this piece, you’d do an internet search only to find my life is so full of other things how could I possibly be an expert on being one thing, an expert?

I’m an expert by virtue of my failures. I don’t have the time to explain all that because I’m much too busy explaining how you can be an expert. And do you think for one second I’m going to say “Fail a lot!”? If I did, you’d check out my name on the internet, see I’ve failed a lot, and then probably surmise that when it comes to accepting the advice of an expert, you’d prefer someone successful.

In order for me to get your attention, I have to come across as if I know what I’m talking about, and if you spend one iota of time wondering about my name, I’ve lost you

So choose your name carefully. Remember, it’s not about picking the right name, it’s about picking a name that sounds consistent with what you’re offering so people won’t spend a minute wondering. There are some broad strokes you can follow.

Business or the Media? A solid last name with no more than two syllables. Think Trump, Hearst, Turner.

New Age? Throw in a hyphen connecting the mundane with the mysterious, like Abigail Smith-Pearlview.

Politics? An Everyman’s name that rings true to a popular product, or common foliage, preferably with a Biblical reference, like, uh…Bush.

Anything Spiritual; unpronounceably Indian or with no more than three letters (and no vowels) for Asian.

For the sake of completeness, it’s only right to mention: If it’s about money or humor, go Jewish; precision, science-like stuff, go German; French for food; Italian for art and British for anything to do with bondage, discipline and spankings.

I think you catch my drift.


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