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  Humor stories > Funny stories : The patience of job

The patience of job

Funny stories Rating : 4.65, 49 votes. Reviews : 30 [add review]

Voltaire said, “God is a comedian playing to an audience afraid to laugh.”  Translated, if you’re a tight ass, there’s a two drink minimum to read this article.


Let me just say, I believe in God but like many, I’ve questioned His existence.  Most people will say the reason they doubt God’s existence is because, “If there’s a God, why is there so much suffering, and why is there war?”  Blah, Blah, blah, blah blah…    


My sole reason for doubting the existence of God is work.  (I, however, never question the existence of a higher power for I worship at His altar every day from 9 to 5.)   


If there is a God why do we not have five-day weekends and two-day workweeks?  He’s God.  He can make it happen.  In God we trust, right?  Well I trust in God to give us a five-day weekend.


Think of the positives of a two-day work week.  You’d say things like, “Wow, that workweek really flew bye.” 


Think of what it would do for the economy because as Americans what are we really, but consumers?  Think of it this way.  If the United States Senate can get away with only working 110 days a year, why can’t we?


Women will have five full days a week to shop, and tell men what to do.  Maybe, just maybe, we’ll have more time to spend with our kids so they don’t remain a bunch of illiterate crack heads.


More people might believe in heaven because life on earth won’t be such a living hell. 


I believe, with faith, God will grant us my wish.  Let me illustrate through the Bible.  Isn’t it ironic that in the book of the Bible where the name of the person who suffers the most is spelled J.O.B.? 


The story of Job is one of perseverance.  Job is given leprosy, has His family, money and worldly possessions taken from him and it’s all a test of faith.  It is a horrible story!  I didn’t like it when I read it but I said. “Fine, He’s God.  He can do what He wants.  After all, it is His world.  Like Job, who am I to question?” 


What I can question are employers playing the part of God by expecting us to have the patience of Job in order to keep our job.  They may not be giving us infectious diseases but they are sure taking our money, ruining our personal lives, and making work a living hell.  (Personally, I don’t have the patience of Job.  I’m like the Prodigal Son--at the first sign of a party I’m off to the fatted cow happy hour for half-price matzoh and dollar shots of Manishevitz.  If I need some bread I’ll come back in the morning crawling on my hands and knees.)  


In the Book of Job, Job finally said, “Hey God, how bout a little something for the effort?”  God responded, “Don’t question my authority but you’re right.  I have been a little harsh on you.”  Job then had all His riches returned ten-fold.  Now that’s pretty just, is it not? 


Well, I’m asking, “Hey God, how bout a five-day weekend, for the heck of it?”  (If you see me on the golf course mid-week you’ll know God answered my prayers.)



Michael P. Westhead is the founder of which features original quotes, jokes, cartoons, products, and articles focusing on politics, current events and life in general.


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