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  Humor stories > Funny stories : Paying for the War

Paying for the War

Funny stories Rating : 4.28, 18 votes. Reviews : 1 [add review]

Many Americans are concerned about the amount of money we are spending on the Iraqi war. So I developed a financial strategy to fund this conflict. I call it “shock and awe economics. At the heart of my economic theory is product placement. Product Placement is a time tested and growing strategy of advertising Yes, just as simple as that. Every time a hot thirsty solider takes a big swallow out of a can of coke looks into the camera and says, “This coke is just what I needed after a long patrol”. The coca-cola company sends the U.S. government and Halliburton some money. Or when a weary looking solider holds up a box of Playtex tampons and says, ‘”I can buy these for a $1.75 in the PX.” Playtex sends some money to our government and Halliburton. (VP Cheney is former CEO and still holds ties to Hilliburton Corp.)
The beauty of Shock and Awe economics is the soldiers don’t need to be convincing actors. So if the soldier stumbles over words, or slips into Spanish or another foreign language so much the better. That gives the promo earthy creditability. He is one of our own looking holding up a carton of Marlboro and saying., “Amigos, I can buy this carton of smokes for $2.50 at the PX”. The Marlboro Manufacturing Company sends the government and Halliburton some money.
But individual product placement spots aren’t where the money is.
It is in the combination items our troop in Iraq use.
So for example when you see a few soldiers are sitting by a fire eating their evening MRE’s (Meals Ready to Eat) rations. It’s a gold mine for the government.
The makers of all the food in the MRE pay our government and Halliburton some money.
So when a soldier eating his dehydrated pot roast smiles into the camera and says, “This is like Sunday dinner at my Grandma’s house.” Hormel Meat Packing sends the government and Halliburton some money. When soldier holds up a little packet of dehydrated orange juice Sun Kiss Orange Juice Company, Tang Inc. pay the government and Halliburton some money. Desert is a surprise of dehydrated vanilla ice cream. And so as the soldier chews his dehydrated ice cream and flashes a content smile into the camera. Haagen Daz, Baskin and Robbins 31 Flavors, Ben and Jerry’s pay the government and Halliburton some money. Now imagine how much money that would be if only half the 400,000 soldiers stationed in Iraq make a product placement spot. And this doesn’t even count the 200,000 plus civilian contractors who would be glad to be on TV showing off some of the products they use to rebuild Iraq.
But the really big money comes from the “Green Zone”. That’s the part of Baghdad set aside to provide comforts of home in a secure area. This is where computers, phones, video games, fast food and Starbucks coffee are available. And each time U.S. personnel use any of these items; Micro Soft, AT&T, Atari, McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Wendy’s and Starbucks send lots of money to our government and Halliburton. There is large amount of money sent to our government and Halliburton by manufacturers of luxury items. Money comes from iPod, Canon and Nikon, Rolex, Best Buys, Circuit City, Dell Computers, Cellular One, Map Quest and so on. These are the big-ticket items. Now imagine how much money that could be for our government and Halliburton if U.S. personnel made two or three product placements a month.
And remember this doesn’t even include the companies that make the guns, bullets and bombs

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