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One-liners: 251-300
Blonde jokes
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251. Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers Her clothes into a pile and jumps off. 252. Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a blonde. 253. Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses? A: Because he didn`t want them shitting in the streets during parades. 254. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her. 255. Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ? A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum) 256. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant? A: And I thought blondes were dumb! 257. Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? A: A know-it-all bitch. 258. Q: What`s the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde? A: One`s a phony buck. 259. Q: What`s the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician? A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts. 260. Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? A: One that never misses a period. 261. Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is? A: An Italian suppository. 262. Q: Why don`t a blondes guts fall out of Her twat when she stands? A: Because the vaccum in Her head keeps them in place. 263. Q: What`s the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o? A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it. 264. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? A1: I don`t know, there are some things even a blonde won`t do. A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won`t stop until it gets blood. 265. Q: Why was the blonde wearing Her sunglasses? A: She was having sunny periods. 266. Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant? A: Her feet! 267. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose? A: When she farts, Her knees bag. 268. Q: What`s the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist? A: Marriage. 269. Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan? A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat. 270. Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde? A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on. 271. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don`t. They`re born that way. 272. Q: How do ya paralyze a blonde from the neck down? A: Marry her. 273. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her. 274. Q: How did the blonde burn Her nose? A: Bobbing for french fries. 275. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? A: She has a checkbook. 276. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it. 277. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece. 278. Q: What`s the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS? A: Lipstick. 279. Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A: So she can have a doggie bag for later. 280. Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: Because they can understand them. 281. Q: Why do blondes like lightning? A: They think someone is taking their picture. 282. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead? A: Finger on chin-I don`t know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it! 283. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks. 284. Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons? A: From dating blonde men. 285. Q: Why do blondes wear tampons? A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too. 286. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ? A: Wishful Thinking. 287. Q: Why don`t blondes double recipes? A: The oven doesn`t go to 700 degrees. 288. Q: Why don`t blondes make good pharmacists? A: They can`t get the bottle into the typewriter. 289. Q: Why don`t blondes call 911 in an emergency? A1: They can`t remember the number. A2: She can`t find the number 11 on the telephone buttons. 290. Q: What do you call a blonde touching Her toes? A: A brunette with bad breath. 291. Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations. 292. Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair? A: They pull up their pants. 293. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool? A: Air bubbles. 294. Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a street corner? A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks! 295. Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian? A: A waste. 296. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground? A: An air mattress. 297. Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A: Divorcee` 298. Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes? A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks. 299. Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? 300. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde`s ass? A: A brain tumor.
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