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  Jokes > Computer jokes : If a computer beeps

If a computer beeps

Computer jokes Rating : 0.00, 0 votes. Reviews : 0 [add review]

*File Description: If a Computer Beeps and There is No One Around...*
An *actual* bug report (from a friend at Microsoft).
Bug # Status Title 5143 ACTIVE "Build done" signal makes no sound
============ ACTIVE - 01/30/95 - MIKEBLAS ====================
Visual C++ makes an audible signal when a build completes. When no developer is in the room, this signal doesn't make a sound. To reproduce:
1) Start a build. 2) Leave the room. 3) Note that the chime does not make a sound.
We should find a way to make the build bell make a sound even if nobody is there to hear it.
This philosophical issue may need program management's attention before being resolved.
============ ASSIGNED to MATTHEWT - 01/30/95 - SCOTF =========
Can we use the telepathy support in Win95 to contact whomever is logged into the machine doing the build? Maybe we should just detect when the developer is leaving the room and prompt for a phone number where s/he can be reached.
How about disabling leaving the room during a build?
============ RESOLVED - BY DESIGN - 01/31/95 - MATTHEWT ====== ============ ACTIVE - 02/01/95 - MARKLAM =====================
Actually, we can't do this either. The problem is that while you're out of the room your build is neither finished nor unfinished. It stays in a state of flux until you return and collapse the quantum uncertainty by observing it.
Perhaps we could link the build finished event to a cat in a box?
============ ASSIGNED to HEISENBERG - 02/01/95 - MARKLAM ===== ============ RESOLVED - NOT REPRO - 02/03/95 - HEISENBERG ====
I cannot repro this. I tried standing just outside my door and it made the beep. Do I have to go further from my office? Would the mailroom do?
============ ACTIVE - 02/03/95 - MIKEBLAS ====================
The relative position of the mailroom and your office are relatively uncertain to me, Doctor.
Please try again:
1) start a build 2) leave your office 3) go down the hall 4) wait until you don't hear the beep 5) return to note that the build is done
I think this is how I first repro'ed the problem, but I can't remember what I was doing to make it happen.
The idea of disabling leaving the room might be the best possible solution, I think. When a build starts, the IDE should pop up a message that says "There are no more Fritos" or "The kitchen has closed early" or "The bathroom is being cleaned" so the developer will not be tempted to get up and wander around.
With minimal rebuild in place, we should consider diversions that won't take as long to remedy: "You're expecting a phone call" or "Someone will stop by to see you soon".
We need to think of messages that are easy to localize for VC++3.0J.
============ ASSIGNED to MIKEBLAS - 02/13/95 - MARKLAM =======
To do this we'll need to avoid messages about the bathrooms and vending machines for external releases. Perhaps some customer research is needed to find out exactly *why* Visual C++ users leave their keyboards.
Some suggestions (including MB_ types) Get a drink : (i) You're out of coffee (i) You're out of tea (i)(i) YYoouuvv''ee hhaadd eennoouugghh
Get something to eat : (?) You have no food, remember /! You need to lose weight, fatso. Sit your ass down
Exercise etc : (?) Did You Know - sunlight causes skin cancer (i) With a Nordik Trak you can get a workout in front of your monitor. Call for home delivery. /! I didn't mean that about your weight
See family : (i) They already know you love them /! They'll only want money for something /! Your in-laws have arrived
Call of nature : This could be difficult. Consider supplying bed-pan or similar.
============ ASSIGNED to MIKEBLAS - 02/13/95 - MARKLAM ======= ============ ASSIGNED to MIKEBLAS - 02/16/95 - HEISENBERG ====
I attempted to repro this once more:
I placed my machine in the forest at the edge of the campus. I started a 'rebuild all' and ran out of the forest towards my mailroom. My build normally takes 3 minutes. After 5 minutes I had not heard anything, so I returned to my machine. Unfortunately a tree had fallen on it. I had not heard that, either.

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