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  Jokes > Dirty jokes : Voodoo dick

Voodoo dick

Dirty jokes Rating : 0.00, 0 votes. Reviews : 0 [add review]

Voodoo Dick There was this businessman who was getting ready
to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a
flirtatious sort, so he thought he`d try to get her
something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he
didn`t much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So
he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking
around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was
too close to another man for him. He was browsing through
the dildos, looking for something special to please his
wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.
He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don`t
really know of anything that will do the trick. We have
vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I
don`t know of anything that will keep her occupied for
weeks, except -- " and he stopped. "Except what?" the man
asked. "Nothing,nothing." "C`mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don`t usually mention this, but there is the
`voodoodick.`" "So what`s up with this voodoo dick?" he
asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out
an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened
it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The
businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks
like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied,
"But you haven`t seen what it`ll do yet." He pointed to a
door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose
out of its box, darted over to the door, and started
screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the
vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before
the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get
back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to
the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I`ll take it!"
said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn`t
for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The
guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo
and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick,
my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would
be fine while he wasgone. After he`d been gone a few days,
the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people
who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the
voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my
pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started
pumping. It was great, like nothing she`d ever experienced
before.After three orgasms, she decided she`d had enough, and
tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing
worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how toshut it
off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they
could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and
started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust
of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her
swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman.
He asked for her license, and then asked how much she`d had
to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she
hadn`t been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in
her pussy, and wouldn`t stop screwing. The officer looked at
her for a second, and then said "Yea, right... Voodoo dick,
my ass!"

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