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Deep thoughts 11
One liners
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It you`re a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it`s real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn`t seem quite so funny.
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn`t open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
When I was a kid, my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we`d all go play in his cave, and every once in awhile he would eat one of us. It wasn`t until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
I think people tend to forget that trees are living creatures. They`re sort of like dogs. Huge, quiet, motionless dogs, with bark instead of fur.
If you drop your keys into molten lava just let `em go `cause, man, they`re gone.
Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal is not the lion or tiger or even the elephant. The most dangerous animal is a shark riding on an elephant, just trampling and eating everything they see.
Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, "Okay, as long as it`s not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know." He stared telling his story, about the treasure and his life and all, and I thought: "This story isn`t too long." But then, he kept going, and I started thinking, "Uh-oh, this story is getting long." But then the story was over, and I said to myself: "You know, that story wasn`t too long after all." I forget what the story was about, but there was a good movie on the plane. It was a little long, though.
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