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Redneck quickies 29
Redneck jokes
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You might be a redneck if... You`ve been to the emergency room more than 3 times for mashing the wrong end of a thumb tack. The number of times you`ve seen either Elvis or a UFO exceeds your I.Q. Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet. You`ve ever lost a dog to a bush hog. You`ve ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower. You keep your teeth and your goldfish in the same glass. On average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary. You think Motorola is a fancy name for a car part. You give your girlfriend long-thorned roses hoping she won`t ask for them again. You borrow your wedding flowers from Wal-Mart. You think Hamlet is on the McDonald`s breakfast menu. Your kids are going hungry tonight because you had to see your maw run her car at the dirt track race. Your dad says, "Let`s hit the road for dinner," and then grabs a shovel. You ever called your sister "Mom" and didn`t have to correct yourself. The directions to your bathroom include, "Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed." You`re in bed with your wife and you call out a name you gave to a coon you killed. You`ve ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses. Your old car is now considered the main storage unit. Every magazine on your coffee table has a piece of toilet paper for a bookmark. Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.
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