Jokes Humor stories Pictures Videos Funny News Games

Home  |  Bookmark us  |  Submit / Upload  |   |  Random stuff  |  RSS feed  |  Funny sites(add)  |  About  |  Terms  |  Privacy  |  Contact us
Funny stuff
» Funny pictures
Funny pics gallery
Forum pics 130
Funny pics mix 6
Funny pictures 2714
Optical illusions 37
» Funny videos
Funny clips gallery
Banned videos 53
Extreme videos 203
Funny animals 101
Funny cartoons 85
Funny cats 74
Funny dogs 85
Funny videos 8996
Home made videos 33
Music videos 69
Parodies 28
Pranks 156
Sexy videos 89
Sport videos 175
Stupid videos 160
Wierd videos 6
» Funny news
Funny news 31635
News funnies 23
» Free Games
Games gallery
Action games 844
Cartoons 62
Casino games 39
Classic arcade 254
Fighting games 81
Free games 1799
Logic games 170
Photo puzzles 593
Racing games 201
RPG games 45
Shooting games 452
Sport games 333
Strategy games 196
» Funny jokes
Adult jokes 1626
Animal jokes 289
Bar jokes 620
Blonde jokes 1361
Bumper stickers 40
Computer jokes 430
Dirty jokes 239
Ethnic jokes 319
Funny Facts 1490
Gay jokes 117
Gender jokes 69
Holiday jokes 168
Humor jokes 819
Insults 4294
Insults jokes 114
Jokers 160
Lawyer jokes 530
Medical jokes 297
One liners 704
Police jokes 6
Politics jokes 304
Redneck jokes 473
Religious jokes 625
Work jokes 75
Yo mama jokes 127
» Humor stories
Funny poems 15
Funny stories 343
Humor Stories
» Sounds
Funny audio 338
Sound boards 80
Funny sitesFunny sites
Uber Humor

  Jokes > Animal jokes : A guide to walking tigers

A guide to walking tigers

Animal jokes Rating : 0.00, 0 votes. Reviews : 0 [add review]

Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr likea freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To takea tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are notrecommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who`s used to theprocedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than activelyirritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood which willbend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and thecane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the waythat the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madlyhanging on if things go wrong.
What YOU carry is a ten foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash.
Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this so you can hook on a safety clip. The chainis looped about the tiger`s neck and acks as a giant choke-chain, but the clipis there to keep a loop of some sort in case things go badly wrong. You carrythe chain looped in one hand in a peculiar fashion which permits the wholelength of chain to be dragged from your hand without taking your hand and/or armwith it. You practice this beforehand till you`re sure you`ve got it right.
Then you go into the cage with the tiger. Your friend does not. You gaugethe tiger`s mood and put the leash on the tiger. There isn`t a whole lot moreto say about this step except to say that that is why your friend is there,OUTside the cage. On your side is the fact that the tiger knows what the leashis for by this time and presumably is largely in favor of the idea.
This is where you find out that tigers are soft and poofy. They are alsomuch, much larger than you had ever dreamed, when you`re standing next to one.
Then you take the tiger for a walk. Your friend walks in front with the caneto clear the way. You walk with the tiger at your side, keeping pretty goodcontrol and letting the tiger know that you are Paying Attention, because if thetiger thinks you are not Paying Attention, it will do what housecats do, let youknow that you should be Paying Attention. Unlike housecats, the tiger is bigenough not to have to do anything truly outrageous to rectify the situation. Reaching behind you with one forepaw and sweeping your legs out from under youis generally considered good enough by most tigers. They think this ishilarious. To this extent, tigers differ from housecats in that they seem tohave a sense of humor.
It is possible that the tiger will see something that it wants. In this case,the tiger will go where it wants to go, and your job is to stop it. This isgenerally done by wrapping the chain around something that you pass, as thetiger drags you away. This will slow it down enough for your friend to jump ontop of you and grab the chain as you go bulleting across the countryside. Theweight of two adult humans will generally slow a tiger down enough to makethings manageable, whereas one will not.
It is not usual for the tiger to react to freedom by turning around andturning you into fajitas, though this would actually (at least in the shortterm) be an eminently practical thing for the tiger to do. They enjoy their funbut are generally not ill-tempered. If they are they don`t get taken for walks.
They also purr like a freight train passing. Experts in the field claim thatthis is not purring, that it means something else, but you couldn`t put it byme. Sure sounded like purring, at 16-2/3 RPM, but it sounded like purring.
All in all, an experience I highly recommend as a lifetime source of cocktailparty conversation, but it sort of tends to leave you limp for the rest of theday.

Rate this joke (settings)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Rating : 0.00, 0 votes. Reviews : 0 [add review]

[ Animal jokes index ] Next joke
Previous joke [ jokes index ] Next joke

More : Popular jokes | Most reviewed jokes | Top Rated jokes
Reviews of that joke : Reviews : 0, Rating : 0.00, 0 votes.

Post your review!

Name  :
Email   :
Rate    :
Text    : URLs cannot be posted here
Cool sites

Random jokes
Q. What would you call a Redneck who has successfully completed the 3rd grade?A. Smart!... Read this joke...
Q: What goes "Peck, Peck, Peck, Boom"?A: Chicken in a mine field... Read this joke...

Random joke
You are the only person I`ve ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time!... Read this joke...
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall... Read this joke...

Friend Finder

Random Funny stuff

Sex is like software: For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it free... Read this joke...

Random pics
Funny pictures : The Funk Bus archive
Use parental controls to protect your kids : Wikipedia | Battle.