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One-liners: 201-250
Blonde jokes
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201. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
202. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn`t get Hearing Aides.
203. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses` faces.
204. Q: Why can`t blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
205. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.
206. Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
207. Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
208. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
209. Q: What is a blonde`s favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
210. Q: How do you measure a blonde`s intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
211. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver`s License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
212. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
213. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
A2: I don`t know.
R: Neither did she.
214. Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
215. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went ? It
finally dawned on her.
216. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said
"DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and
turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8
MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
217. How about the suicide blonde,
she dyed by her own hand.
218. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly,
"Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
219. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she`d been driving the wrong way on a
one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad `cause all the people were leaving.
220. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
"Miss, may I see your driver`s licence please?"
"Driver`s licence? What`s that?..."
"It`s a little card with your picture on it."
"Oh, duh! Here it is..."
"May I have your car insurance?"
"What`s that?..."
"It`s a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
"Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."
The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims:
"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"
221. Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron," then we could do without
the ironing lady.
Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could do without the
gardener.
222. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That`s nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy.
223. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We`re three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won`t light up?
Blonde: No, it`s working fine.
Operator: Then what`s the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
224. What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was...
225. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a
blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainlandand estimated about 20 miles
to shore. So she announced, "I`m going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five
miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too
tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I
guess it`s better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she
attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she
swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go
on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I`d better
try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles
from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I`m too tired to go on!"
So she swam back.
226. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her
boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I`ll sink?"
227. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at
the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those arn`t deer tracks, those are
wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguig, and one half
hour later they were both killed by a train.
228. The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was wrong and the
blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely
and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I
can fuck and suck with the best of them. But he says I can`t cook."
229. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with
a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can`t seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you`d better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and
the top is down!
230. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead.
Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, "Good
thing I had my mouth open, or that would`ve hit me right in the face!!"
Or: "Good thing that cows don`t fly."
231. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint
Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he`d make it easy.
"Who was God`s son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That`s interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."
232. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How
to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the
encyclopaedia...
233. A blonde`s response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
"I don`t have to think -- I`m blonde!"
234. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I`ll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I`ll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What`s a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I`ll have a 15."
Bartender: "What`s a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
235. A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they just don`t remember
who with.
236. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the
middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said
"You know - it`s blondes like that that give us a bad name!" To this the other blonde
replied "I know it, and if I knew how to swim I`d go out there and drown her."
237. ... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the slogan "Billions
Served - just today"
238. Q. How can you tell that a blonde`s having a bad day.
A. She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can`t find her pencil.
239. Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt`n peckers.
240. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
241. Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It`s too hard to re-train them.
242. Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.
243. Q: Why don`t blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don`t know the route.
244. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don`t have to retrain them on Monday.
245. Q: What`s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It`s difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
246. Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
247. Q: What`s the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
248. Q: What`s the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
249. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They`ve both swallowed a lot of semen.
250. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A: "It`s OK Daddy, I`m not hurt."
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