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  Jokes > Holiday jokes : 'twas the night after christmas

'twas the night after christmas

Holiday jokes Rating : 0.00, 0 votes. Reviews : 0 [add review]

`Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy.
The kids they weren`t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. My wife couldn`t argue and neither could I, so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried.
When out in the yard the dog started barkin`, I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin. He yelled, "Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws and I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus."
I said, "Claus, I don`t know nobody named Claus, and you ain`t taking me in without probable cause." Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night." I said, "That might have been me, just what`s he look like."
The Sheriff replied, "Well he`s a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly, that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly. He sports a long beard, and a nose like a cherry." I said, "Sheriff that sounds like my wife`s sister Sherri."
"It`s no time for jokes Roy" the Sheriff he said. "The man I`m describing in dressed all in red. I`m here for the truth now, it`s time to come clean. Tell me what you`ve done, tell me what you`ve seen."
Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell, it wouldn`t have been the first time that I`ve spent New Years in jail. I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten, and I thought that my wife had been drinking again."
When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost. I thought maybe she had seen one of them UFO`s. But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head, and stopped on the roof of our good neighbour Red.
Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder, a freezer full of venison standing right on Red`s gutter. Well my hands were a shakin` as I grabbed my gun, when outta Red`s chimney this feller did run.
And slung on his back was this bag over flowin`. I thought he stolen Red`s stuff while old Red was out bowling`. So I yelled, "Drop fat boy, hands in the air!" But he went about his business like he hadn`t a care.
So I popped a warning shot over his head. Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled. And as he flew off I heard him extort, "That`s assault with intent Roy, I`ll see ya in court."
The above document was written by Jeff Foxworthy.

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