Steven wright 01
One liners
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You know how it is when you`re reading a book and falling asleep, you`re reading, reading. .. And all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I`m like that all the time.
Last night, I walked up to this beautiful woman in a bar and asked her, "Do you live around here often?" She said, "You`re wearing two different colored socks." I said, "Yes, but to me they`re the same because I go by thickness." Then she asked, "How do you feel?" and I said, "Well, you know when you`re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you`re just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time."
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow.
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one. .. It wasn`t doing what I was doing.
I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me--and I didn`t hear it.
I wrote a song, but I can`t read music so I don`t know what it is. Every once in a while I`ll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."
He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now."
I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don`t accidentally walk through into another dimension.
Rating : 2.87, 15 votes.
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