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  Jokes > Redneck jokes : Musical terms misunderstood by country-western musicians

Musical terms misunderstood by country-western musicians

Redneck jokes Rating : 6.67, 6 votes. Reviews : 4 [add review]

Diminished Fifth -- An empty bottle of Jack Daniels
Perfect Fifth -- A full bottle of Jack Daniels
Ritard -- There`s one in every family
Relative Major -- An uncle in the Marine Corps
Relative Minor -- A girlfriend
Big Band -- When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo
Pianissimo -- "Refill this beer bottle"
Repeat -- What you do until they just expel you
Treble -- Women ain`t nothin` but
Bass -- The things you run around in softball
Portamento -- A foreign country you`ve always wanted to see
Conductor -- The man who punches your ticket to
Arpeggio -- "Ain`t he that storybook kid with the big nose
that grows?"
Tempo -- Good choice for a used car
A 440 -- The highway that runs around Nashville
Transpositions -- Men who wear dresses
Cut Time-- Parole Order of
Sharps -- What a wimp gets at the bar
Passing Tone-- Frequently heard near the baked beans at
family barbecues
Middle C-- The only fruit drink you can afford when food
stamps are low
Perfect Pitch -- The smooth coating on a freshly paved road
Tuba -- A compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba
Bryll Cream!"
Cadenza -- That ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair
off of when company comes
Whole Note -- What`s due after failing to pay the
mortgage for a year
Clef -- What you try never to fall off of
Bass Clef -- Where you wind up if you do fall off
Altos -- Not to be confused with "Tom`s toes," "Bubba`s
toes" or "Dori-toes"
Minor Third-- Your approximate age and grade at the
completion of formal schooling
Melodic Minor -- Loretta Lynn`s singing dad
12-Tone Scale --The thing the State Police weigh your
tractor trailer truck with
Quarter Tone -- What most standard pickups can haul
Sonata -- What you get from a bad cold or hay fever
Clarinet -- Name used on your second daughter if you`ve
already used Betty Jo
Cello -- The proper way to answer the phone
Bassoon -- Typical response when asked what you hope to
catch, and when
French Horn -- Your wife says you smell like a cheap one
when you come in at 4 a.m.
Cymbal -- What they use on deer-crossing signs so you know
what to sight-in your pistol with
Bossa Nova -- The car your foreman drives
Time Signature -- What you need from your boss if you forget
to clock in
First Inversion --Grandpa`s battle group at Normandy
Staccato -- How you did all the ceilings in your mobile
Major Scale -- What you say after chasing wild game up a
mountain: "Darn! That was a major scale!"
Aeolian Mode-- How you like Mama`s cherry pie
Bach Chorale -- The place behind the barn where you keep the

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